No digo cosas para decirlos...i love you, take it or leave it.

es que no se ni que decir...

i'm ready for it. i'm ready for college. i'm ready for the world outside of this little bubble we’ve created.
I’m going to miss it so much, and cry my eyes out the second I have to leave it… but I’m so beyond ready. I want to go to school, and go to classes where my teachers actually CARE about what they’re teaching. Where the passion for the subject they’re getting paid to educate us on burns through their eyes, right into ours. I want to get lost in my books and get good grades not just because I have to, or because they define how successful I’ll be in life, but because I’m so interested that I invest my time in learning the material and making it part of me.
I want to walk around wearing my preppy pencil skirts and tucked in white blouses…peep-toe heels and a black leather prada bag.. or whatever brand it may be. I want to go clubbing and have the amazing time I’ve dreamed of having… dressed in a little red number that’s backless, and my hair down in long blonde waves. So, I want to walk around and meet people that don’t just see my hair. With people that aren’t jealous or envious of me or whatever… that aren’t interested in making everything a competition of who can get it better, or have more, or have the best of everything. People that compliment my personality and my unique characteristics… that offer some of their own, and find a way to learn from each other… not shadow one another. I want to get pissed drunk with my best girl friends, watching Sex and the City… talking about whatever it is that’s been on our mind that day. I want to have a hangover the next morning, walk into my lecture class with the professor that never stops talking, and the cute guy that sits next to me… and smile to myself remembering the events of the night before, and how much all the fun was worth it. Knowing me? The cute guy would already be my close friend, and I’d spend that class telling him about my girl’s night in, planning a fun night out. And if not… I’d probably find the energy to flirt with him anyway. I want to wake up in my house, grab my keys and coffee mug, and drive myself to wherever it is I need to go that day. I want to blare my music as loud as I can while I get there, and then just get out of my car and strut to class wearing simple gray PINK sweats, a tank and an oversized bag that holds the contents of my entire life within its sequences and beading.
I want to read that entire list of books I’ve been compiling since the summer of freshman year… curl up in a park somewhere and catch up on the classics I don’t have the time to gather the focus required for me to appreciate its literature. I want to write what I’ve experienced, and have it touch the lives of others. Because if I can make one connection with a single person in this world… if I can help better their lives in any way possible, and make them realize that they’re not the only ones going through whatever it might be their feeling, then my passion for writing would strengthen that much more. I want to go to the beach and buy a million of those bracelets and earrings and necklaces that I love…. And then lay out in the sand and watch the waves crash in. I want to roam the streets of Paris and Milan taking infinite amounts of pictures, robbing moments of other people’s lives for my own personal safe keeping. I’d love to be proven wrong about love… I’d love to love and have the courage of letting myself be loved. I want the fairytale… only the imperfect one. And I know it’ll find me…just not while I’m in this bubble.
I want so much more… I want to breathe so many different airs…from so many different places. I want to eat all their food, and dance to all their rhythms. I want to see their colors and feel their warmth…and meet so many different people.I want to grow up. Or rather, I want to really start growing up, with people that feel just the same. Who find the gossip and FerrisWheel-like catastrophes incredibly tiresome and at this point, overrated. I want an end to the mindless games, and going around and around in circles. It’s draining me at this point… it’s pushing down my spark and eccentricities and… the fun I usually carry around inside.
Spring break is going to give me a taste of all of that… and I know that the Nikki’s gonna come out… and I have a feeling I’m not gonna want to come back.